Since i HATE weighing myself, even weekly, i decided that I'm just not going to do it anymore. how do i plan on still losing weight you may ask?well, I'm back at spark people.com eating my allotted 1600 calories a day. I'm going back to calorie counting so that i DON'T have to obsess about the scale. it may sound weird to some, but it's what will work for me.
I get so obsessed with the scale when I'm not counting calories i weigh myself everyday, naked, and i get to the point where I'll actually take laxatives to make sure I'm empty before hand- which just plain isn't healthy. so that's what's new on that front.
My DR called in some pain med for the GERD incident that are actually allowing me to eat SOME things. Darvacet (spelling), it's not too strong but it's enough to take the edge off, which I'm thankful for. The prilocec and the pepcid are doing their jobs splendidly and I've stopped the dry hacking cough that the stomach acid caused.
Bipolarly....I've been basically begging my psy Dr to change my geodon to seroquil. BEGGING. I've been on the geodon for around 5-6 years now and it's starting to not be as effective, and I'm on the highest dose allowed. my bipolar is type I, so sleep is something that's hard for me to come by and my geodon used to make it possible for me to be able to sleep, it didn't knock me out or anything. instead of listening to me about the seroquil change (i have a degree in psy and plan on going back for my PhD so it's not like I'm uneducated about this stuff) he gives me 10mg of ambien...doesn't do SHIT, doesn't even make me remotely tired and it definitely doesn't help me STAY asleep once I've finally managed to fall asleep- and my insurance doesn't cover the extended release kind because there is not a generic.So i see him again on Jan. 12th, i think- and I'm not leaving his office with a seroquil script. it's my mental health we're talking about.
as a side note, along with the bipolar I with schizo-affective tendencies, I've recently gotten borderline personality disorder added to that. wonderful.I want another baby so badly but I'm DESPERATELY afraid to go off my medication during the pregnancy. i was recently (it was a surprise) pregnant and i believe the medication I'm on is the reason i had a miscarriage.
*sigh* why can't i just be NORMAL? even with medication I'm not totally normal- I'm just MORE functional. i can't hold down a job. i feel like it's never-ending crap to deal with.
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